I went to see "Despicable Me" last night and after this experience I have two words:

Again! Again!

Eclipse

Went out with Sara and Sarah and Tawny on a girly outing for a viewing of "Eclipse". Ever present were giant furry wolves and blood sucking, shining, heads-popping-off creatures...however ridiculous, I found myself grinning like a 13 year old through almost the whole show. {giggle} The pathetic rise of Kelsee continues.

But more than the movie entertainment was the enjoyment of being in such good company. I love my friends. I'm grateful they all still want to be my friends. It's so nice to have a few pretty faces in your circle. I'm lucky.

oh and the previews for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows looks *AMAZING*
Part One: November 19, 2010
Part Two: July 15, 2011

Can't wait

Awesome new phone!!

I just got the new DROID by motorola and it amazes even me and my nerdy tech-loving brain. I'm posting this from my phone as we speak! loving it.

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If life were easy, it wouldn't be hard

Contrary to popular belief, this life isn't meant to be easy. I'm reminded of this pretty consistently these days. It seems like mankind's natural instinct is to wish that everything we do would be "easier" or cause us "less stress". Haven't we learned by now that the best things come through hard work and struggle? Think of the things you have in life that are most valuable to you. Did they come easy or do you think at some point some real initiative had to be take to obtain those things?  I feel that is how it is my life. The things that have come to me free and easy without struggle or stress or hardship don't mean nearly as much to me as the things that have caused me heartache over the years. Buck up and see that things are hard and we make mistakes but we can still be happy.

Things I'm missing...

I'm having issues with missing people lately. The hard thing is that there is nothing I can do about any of the situations. I miss my best friend who's serving a mission. Things seem more complicated without him here. But I can't do a thing about that one. I miss my other dear friend who is so dear and special to me. We roller costered through a number of things and a number of years knowing one another...but he decided there wasn't something there worth fighting for and now our friendship isn't the same to me. There is nothing I can do about that. I miss my heart. It is in so many different places, held in hands other than my own...I can't do anything about it. It's not mine any more. I thought I couldn't get it back from giving it away once, but I did. I fought for it and I got it back and started giving it away again and now...hmm...perhaps my heart is lost and that is what is causing the emptiness. It's somewhere in between being given away and being received. Limbo heart. Can't quite calculate it all but I'm missing something. I hope it will come round soon.

Late night talks...

Last night I stayed up late talking with a dear friend of mine about life and how it is hard sometimes. She had had a really rough night that ended with a broken heart and was very upset. We talked about trials and what they really are and what they really do for us in this life. Though it is hard to struggle and to see those we love struggle, I am so eternally grateful for trials and hardships that our Father in Heaven allows us to go through. I am who I am today because of the hard times in my life. Life isn't always filled with downs, but when it's not one thing it is bound to be another and the faster we learn that we must pace ourselves with patience in enduring the things that happen to us in this life, the more we will gain the strength that was intended to come from them. It is truly comforting and inspiring to know that no matter what we may be going through, we are never alone and there is someone who knows exactly how we feel.

This ol' heart of mine...

"Hearts will never be made practical

until they are made unbreakable."

- Tinman (Wizard of Oz)

Last night I had an interesting experience pertaining to matters of the heart. I learned the wisdom in those priceless words from the Tinman whose only desire was to have a heart. Did he know when he pinpointed his greatest desire what it would entail having that precious commodity placed within his glimmering shield? The heart has to do quite the circus act to manage even beating consistently. It never fails that I am amazed by the pain that accompanies the twinging and the pulling of heartstrings. More often than not it is involuntary pain. Isn't it my heart? Shouldn't I have some sort of control over what I feel and what I want? But no, my heart pulls one way while my mind and body pull another and I end up somewhere between happiness and disgrace. And don't get me started on the tears that are shed when you find yourself in such an indefinable location.


For example, when you feel for a friend something you haven't identified with quite yet but you know something is there, how do you say the right thing after they finally tell you that they finally know how they feel? How do you justify and express that you are missing the boat and stuck with a broken paddle desperately wanting to catch up to the steaming vessel that is effortlessly coasting upstream? Currents in a river only flow one way, after all. There's only so much you can do to resist the pull of the powerful body of water that doesn't have a single doubt as to where it is going and it's purpose in it's consistent flow. A river isn't afraid to rapidly flow over rocks, trees, banks, anything that gets in it's way...if only I could be so sure of my path...

Now I'm in the middle of a raging river with said broken paddle, not getting anywhere, and I watch with a longing, aching heart as what could have been my rescue, moves on. Eventually the watchtower won't even bother to try and see me struggling in the distance anymore. There are other boats that will come...aren't there?